When the World Goes Dark
by smylealong
Summary: After the events of Words of Radiance, Adolin is overtaken by a darkness he cannot seem to shake off. Help comes from an unexpected corner.
_I wanted to take a look at Adolin's mind after the events of Words of Radiance. I figured he would not be in a good shape. So here it is. The first time I have written a Stormlight Archive fanfiction._

 **When the World Goes Dark**

Mirrors were no longer Adolin's friend. He did not like the face that peered back at him from that shiny surface. Physically, there was nothing wrong with him, nothing. He still had the same sculpted face, those Alethi eyes and the same black-and-blond hair that he always possessed. And yet, something had changed. Something had changed fundamentally. And it had changed enough that he could no longer look at a mirror.

MURDERER!

Adolin whipped around, a fine sheen of sweat covering his face. "Who's there?"

A bridgeman, the one guarding him for the day, turned to look at him.

"Everything okay, Brightlord?"

 _Azish_ , Adolin thought absently while waving a hand. "Yes. Just thought I heard something."

The brown man's eyes flitted toward his head, disbelief writ large on his face. However, the man did not question him. He merely nodded and turned to look away, his back drawn straight. These men had carried bridges on their shoulders, while running towards an assault- completely defenseless. And had lived to tell the tale. Were those bridges any heavier than the burden Adolin bore?

He turned around and cast an eye around his accommodation. The little, claustrophobic room that was his 'quarter' now, had pale blue walls, with a small crack running through one of them. It had a bed with mattress that was hard as rocks and no windows. A faint musty smell seemed to linger in the air, no matter what they did to get rid of it. But all of that did not matter to Adolin.

With a tired sigh, he flopped down on the bed as a couple of exhaustion spren sprung up around his head. He was not surprised. He had not been able to sleep for more than a few hours every night. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw that… that silhouette in his dreams. Screaming, thrashing and whispering over and over again.

MURDERER!

Adolin shot up, gasping. From the corner of his eyes he could see the shadows flickering but when he turned to see them, they were gone. He sat on the bed, hunched, his elbows on his knees, head buried in his hands. His eyes burned from lack of sleep, his lips cracked and his body hurt. But that man…he would not leave him. No matter what he did, that man lingered on.

The moment he looked away, the shadows elongated, their dark tentacles reaching up to him, grabbing him. His tiny room threatened to close in on him, slowly suffocating him. He needed to get out, now. Without a care about how he looked, Adolin fled.

He ran. Ignoring the surprised shout of his guard, he ran. Not knowing where his feet carried him. Not seeing anything save an all pervasive darkness. Adolin ran, from the shadows reaching out to him. He ran from the man following him. He ran from the crushing weight that threatened to obliterate him. He ran on till he collided with someone large. The two of them crashed in a jumble of limbs. It took Adolin a few seconds to get his bearings.

"Storms, Adolin!" Sebarial cried from under him. "I do not like to be down, no matter who is on top."

Normally, such a risqué joke would have earned a snort from Adolin. But that was the old him. The new him merely stood up, apologized and began to walk away.

"Kohlin," Sebarial called from behind, making him stop. "What's the matter? You look like you've seen a Voidbringer. Oh wait! Storms! You really have seen them and fought them. The old sayings would have to be changed now. What a bother!"

Adolin shook his head. "Sorry Sebarial. I have to go... I need to go... There... To do... That."

Sebarial's eyebrows shot up. "Uh, sure. Sounds very important. Don't let me hold you up. Take care, lad. You look sick."

Adolin turned to look at him, intending to say something. But whatever he wanted to say died on his lips as his eyes fell on the figure standing behind Sebarial. A man with a bulbous face and curly, black hair. His once ruddy complexion was now pale and one of his eyes was busted.

MURDERER!

"No!" Adolin screamed. "No! You're dead, you're dead!"

Sebarial moved closer, grasping his flailing arms. "Adolin! What is going on? Who is dead? And... Are those fearspren? What are you scared of? Adolin? Guards!"

Two bridgemen came up to them and grabbed hold of Adolin. Sebarial muttered some instructions to them before straightening his coat and leaving.

With a tug, Adolin freed his arms from his guards. "I'm okay. I'm okay."

The Azish man looked at him, as if still unconvinced, but stepped back. Adolin took a deep breath, and turned around. His eyes darted here and there, trying to find something. He was not certain what.

"Brightlord," the Azish bridgeman leaned closer and whispered. "Would you want to step outside or would you like to go back to your room?"

Room? No way! He was not going back in there. No! Not answering the man, he picked up a direction at random and began walking. He had to get away. He had to run.

Adolin ran, unseeing and uncaring. He ran to escape him. That man... He still followed... No matter where he went, he was there. Always there, in the fringes of his sight. No escape. None.

He ran down a flight of stairs but then skidded to a stop when he laid eyes on those four. His father, his brother, his betrothed and the bridgeboy - the Radiants!

All of them bore identical expressions of concern on their faces. A part of Adolin understood that. Those four had the weight of the world on their shoulders, of course they were concerned.

But Adolin couldn't help but begrudge them their power. Everyone important to him was suddenly a Radiant. Even that storming bridgeboy was one. Everyone but him.

Adolin Kohlin, the eldest son of the Kohlin house, the third in line to the throne of Roshar, heir to the Princedom of Kohlinar, a shardbearer, a champion duelist and the most eligible bachelor of Alethkar was now suddenly useless. And he hated feeling useless.

He was useless and scared. What could he possibly do? He was a mere shardbearer and Alethkar had plenty of them. They didn't need another one. They needed Radiants. They needed the four who were now standing in his line of vision, engaged in a discussion.

As he watched, Kaladin turned to say something to Shallan, who chuckled in response. It was a small exchange, probably meaningless but Adolin saw something there. Something that chilled him to the bone.

Kaladin's face had softened when he spoke to her. Which on the bridgeboy's face looked like sunshine after a highstorm. To make matters worse, Shallan's eyes held a twinkle as she looked at him. She had never looked at _him_ like that… like he was the most remarkable thing she had ever beheld.

Perhaps it meant nothing but Adolin couldn't explain the uneasiness he felt. For reasons he did not fully understand, he felt as though he'd just lost a battle.

"Adolin!" Renarin waved at him, beckoning him.

Swallowing the sudden bitterness in his mouth, Adolin pasted a smile on his face and walked towards them, ignoring the way Sadeas followed him in the periphery of his vision.

"Are you sick, Brightlord?" Kaladin asked, his pale eyes narrowing as he studied him. It was a little disconcerting to see those eyes against his dark skin.

"I'm fine! Why does everyone keep asking me that?" The response came out harsher than he intended.

"He's just enquiring my dear," Shallan said in a placating way. It only further soured his mood. "You do look rather pale."

"I. Am. Fine." Adolin said through gritted teeth. "Is there a reason the Radiants summoned me or is my health their primary concern?"

"Believe it or not, we actually wanted your opinion on something," Kaladin muttered. Then hastily added, "Brightlord."

Adolin saw Dalinar roll his eyes at the bridgeboy before turning to him. "We wanted to figure out a strategy to get as many people to safety as we can, before the Parshmen turn. Kaladin here wants to go to his village and get his parents and the rest of the village to safety. He will try and save as many as he can on the way. I'm planning to convince as many kings as I can using a spanreed. Brightness Davar plans to get in touch with various Ardentia. Renarin is thinking to approach the swordsmasters, educational institutions, merchants and the like. Anything else that you can add?"

"Sounds to me that you have got everything covered between the four of you. What do you need me for?"

Kaladin opened his mouth to say something but then decided against it. Shallan spoke instead. "Anything we might be forgetting?"

"Doesn't seem so. Look if it's all the same to you all, I would like to retire for the day. I am a little unwell, as everyone has been saying. So, yeah... I will go."

Without waiting for a response from any of them, Adolin left as quickly as he could without running. He came to a halt at an alcove, his head buried in his hands. He knew his guards were somewhere nearby.

A heavy tread behind him alerted him of someone's presence but he figured if he did not acknowledge the person, maybe they would ignore him. No such luck. The footsteps stopped just behind him.

"I recognize darkness, Adolin," Bridgeboy Radiant's voice was uncannily soft. "I know, that at this moment, you'd rather be left alone than be in my company."

"Then why are you here?" Adolin asked, without looking at him.

"Storms if I know. I've never been able to ignore someone in pain, even when the person concerned is a pain."

Despite himself, Adolin felt his lips twitch.

"I know your secret Adolin," Kaladin whispered. "I saw you walking away from his corpse."

Eyes widened, Adolin spun and grabbed him by the collar. "What is this? Blackmail?"

Kaladin gave him a sad smile and pried his hands off his collar. "No. This is me being truthful and trying to dispel the darkness from someone I consider a friend. You did what was right. It may weigh on your soul, I understand. It is never easy. But it was right and it was needed."

"Do you even know what you are saying, Kaladin?" He whispered.

He leaned against the wall, propping one of his ridiculously long leg on it. "Yes, and he had it coming. He left you and yours to die. To be slaughtered. You paid him back. I fail to see what is wrong in that. Although, had I walked in on you actually killing the guy, my Radiant duty would have meant that I would have had to stop you. So, in a way, I am glad I was a little late."

"It was murder," Adolin replied, slinking against the wall next to Kaladin.

"Sadeas was willing to let hundreds upon hundreds of slaves die in the bridge runs. I was told 'Bridgemen aren't supposed to live'. I'm sorry if I can't conjure up any sympathy for that man. You did what I was tempted to do. I would cheer for you, even dance but I fear that might damage my carefully cultivated reputation."

"As what? A brooding, despondent pillar?"

"I was going to say a serious, dependable Radiant."

"A sad, boring lump of rock, with a face to match."

"Hey, it's better than yours."

"Excuse me?"

"At least my hair looks like hair and not an infection of yeast."

Adolin opened his mouth to protest but then smiled realizing what had happened. Captain Kaladin, of all people, had made him laugh. "Thank you, Kaladin."

The taller man shrugged.

"And Bridgeboy, don't leer at my betrothed."

He turned around, sputtering. "I do not leer!"

"Yes, sure."

Kaladin sighed and resumed leaning against the wall. "Don't worry. There's nothing there."

"Are you sure? Because I am not."

"On my honor. There is nothing there. I can't let anything _be_ there."

Adolin ran his hand through his hair, sighing. "Storms man! If she does choose you over me, I wouldn't even be able to hate you."

Kaladin gave a soft laugh. "Likewise."

"We are messed up, aren't we?"

"Yes."

"What do we do?"

Kaladin shook his head. "Nothing. Let the chips fall as they may."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"I am not entirely sure," he said sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck. "I heard Wit say it once. I think it means, let fate take its course."

"Sounds fair."

Kaladin straightened. "I should get going. I have a long way to go."

"Kaladin, will you be flying?"

"Falling. But yes, I will."

"Will you take me flying some time?"

Kaladin looked at him incredulously before grinning. "I could send you flying now if you want. With your shardplate, it won't hurt... Much."

"I shall pass."

Kaladin nodded. After a moment of silence he said, "Yes. I will take you some time. Just promise you will not squeal in my ears when you're thousands of feet up in the air."

"You are a chull, you know?"

"Please work on your insults while I am away princeling. That was so pathetic, it doesn't even count."

"Get lost."

Kaladin grinned and Adolin found his lips stretching into a smile as well. With a salute, Kaladin turned and walked away, his skin glowing faintly in the dark. As his figure retreated, the bridgeman guards returned to their positions. Adolin leaned back against the wall, only to realize that for the first time in days, Sadeas was nowhere to be seen.


End file.
